Awkward moments with customers!

After approximately a month working a service job, I bring you…

Awkward moments with customers!  

Episode One: The Americano Lady 

http://starbuckcoffee.net/how-to-make-a-starbucks-caramel-macchiato.html

My workplace has recently begun to offer Almond milk as an alternative for dairy free people who also do not like soy.  Fair enough.  Soy milk appeals to me about as much as brown Norwegian cheese.  That is to say: not at all.

A woman came in this week and asked for an Americano with soy milk.  Our conversation proceeded like so:

Me: You know an Americano is espresso and hot water?

Look, I understand how this question may be offensive to people who consider themselves coffee snobs but I’ve never had anyone ask me for an Americano with milk.  People have asked for an Americano with ROOM for milk but baristas generally do not put the milk in for you.

Her (scowling!): Yes, I know what an Americano is!

Me (backpedaling): Okay, I was just making sure because sometimes people come in and ask for things but they aren’t really sure what it is they are asking for and I get into trouble –

This is where I was going to break into my Macchiato example.  A macchiato in every place I have worked – from London to Portland – means a double shot and a touch of hot milk.  I know it simply means “marked” so that the drink is open to interpretation.  A common interpretation (people blame Starbucks) is that a Macchiato is some sort of caramel latte.   So, while I initially assumed people KNEW WHAT THEY WERE ASKING FOR when I began this job, it turns out I need to make sure people know a macchiato is not a caramel latte. This is especially important because we don’t make espressos or macchiatos to go (by the time you get to it, the product is crap; espresso should be consumed as quickly as possible to preserve the flavor). I was going to explain this but she got even more huffy and said

I know about coffee!! I come here because I am serious about coffee!!

Me: Okay Okay (I think I literally held my hands up in surrender), so you want an Americano and we’ll put in some almond milk.

Then she seemed to soften a bit but by then I was hoping I didn’t come across as too condescending.   I just don’t like to be blamed when people don’t get what they think they ordered.  A few weeks ago someone got annoyed because their Sencha tea was not green enough…. 

http://www.rishi-tea.com/product/sencha-organic-japanese-green-tea/green-tea

Whaaaaaat?  It looks like CUT GRASS for Pete’s sake!  Anyway, people can be ridiculous so I am often forced to decide if I clarify as much as possible (and potentially patronize) or presume people know that the Sencha they ordered is not the same color as Ecto Cooler and then be forced to entertain their complaint on the color of their tea with a bland and slightly concerned face.

The same day, I had Awkward Customer Encounter Two:  Tapered Khakis = Dick Cheney Fan?

So while I was taking a customer’s order, my co-workers and I were discussing Alfred Nobel and how his invention of dynamite led to a guilty conscious and the Nobel Prize.  Our customer agreed this was guilt worthy and chimed in to ask “You know who is the most evil?”

I said, “Dick Cheney” before my manager and I dissolved into laughter.  I guess it’s a quasi inside joke because I was explaining to him a few weeks ago about how I remain a Christian.  I was flirting with agnosticism before Dick Cheney got his heart.  Then I figured out that if this man could get a transplant at his age, in his condition, that he must have made a deal with the devil.  If there is a devil, there is a God.  The end.

Anyway, the man who asked did not join in our laughter but deadpanned that Dick Cheney didn’t even break the top ten. In the scheme of things, this is certainly true.  The customer went on to say that engineers who came up with the concept of “blowback” were the most evil because they took an fatality causing concept and fiddled with it to make it even more efficient at killing people. 

He left with his little briefcase on wheels after that and I was afraid I offended him.  I also felt silly that I burst out with “Dick Cheney” because, really, could a man in his late 20s/early 30s sporting tapered khakis be anything but a Dick Cheney fan?   

http://www.polyvore.com/dockers_slouch_tapered_khaki_pant/thing?id=36826572

Maybe he worked for a think tank that paid Cheney to talk.  Maybe his aunt is married to the dude Dick Cheney shot in the face.  Maybe his older brother made a deal with the same demon… who knows?  I’ll just try to keep my politics to myself while taking people’s orders….. even when they are RACIST! This brings me to…

Episode Three: Racist Against Chinese Tea 

http://www.rishi-tea.com/product/gram-tin-china-breakfast-organic-fair-trade-black-tea/black-tea

An older lady came in with a companion and ordered some tea.  Another great thing about having a service job is that I get to sharpen my perceptiveness and intuitiveness.   Nine times out of ten I can look at someone and KNOW if they are going to be a pain in the bum. When this septugenarian, with her perfect gray pageboy, entered my line of vision…I knew.

Lady:  I would like a cup of tea.  English Breakfast.

Me: We don’t have English breakfast, we have Earl Grey, China Breakfast, Ceylon...

Lady: Well what do you have that is like English Breakfast?

Me:  I think the closest would be China Breakfast

Lady (making a face): Oh no, I don’t want anything made in China! Those Chinese…

Meanwhile, a co-worker had witnessed this exchange and passed me a cup of black tea (China Breakfast) and winked, saying LOUDLY

HERE YOU GO MA’AM WE DO HAVE ENGLISH BREAKFAST!

Me: Ok, right. Here you go ma’am.

I was thankful that I didn’t have to lecture a lady on her racism my first month in.  Lord knows what was going to come out of her mouth…

In job updates.... (ostensibly what this blog is for no?) 

I’ve been so busy with the service job and some friends’ visits (yay!) that I have not applied for as many jobs as I may have otherwise but since job applications appear to be an exercise in futility, a little rest might be good for my motivation.