Lemme tell you about applying for federal jobs.... I think few job application processes are so utterly soul sucking in nature. Basically you spend lots of timing scrolling through USAJobs painstakingly matching your qualifications with the job listings. Then you tailor your resume, cover letter and writing sample to the job because man, you are PERFECT for this job.
Take this position I applied for in August:
Job Title:Experienced Attorney
Department:Department Of Homeland Security
Agency:Citizenship and Immigration Services
Agency:Citizenship and Immigration Services
SALARY RANGE: |
$89,033.00 to $155,500.00 / Per Year |
OPEN PERIOD: |
Friday, July 27, 2012 to Friday, August 17, 2012 |
SERIES & GRADE: |
GS-0905-13/15 |
POSITION INFORMATION: |
Full Time - Excepted Service Permanent |
PROMOTION POTENTIAL:15 |
|
DUTY LOCATIONS: |
2 vacancies in the following location: Washington DC Metro Area, DC United States |
WHO MAY APPLY: |
United States Citizens |
DUTIES:
The attorney selected will serve as an advisor
to the Division Chief, the Chief Counsel, and to USCIS and other
Departmental components on issues relating to U.S. immigration laws and
international treaty obligations. This attorney would be responsible
for providing legal advice on a number of protection issues, including
but not limited to asylum, overseas refugee resettlement programs,
temporary protected status, parole, VAWA, T and U visas, adoptions,
special immigrant juveniles and the Convention Against Torture.A
background in public international refugee and asylum law, and an
understanding of U.S. immigration law and practice, are helpful. Strong
legal research and writing skills, and the ability to complete
assignments with short deadlines, are essential.
QUALIFICATIONS REQUIRED:
Applicants must possess a J.D. degree from an ABA-accredited law school, be an active member of the bar (any jurisdiction), and have at least one year of post-J.D. experience.----
You know what it sounds like they want?
Me.
USCIS: We are looking for someone with experience analyzing and interpreting international human rights law, especially treaty obligations.
Me: Oh, great! In addition to earning an LLM IN HUMAN RIGHTS LAW from ONE OF THE BEST PROGRAMS IN THE WORLD where I graduated AT THE TOP OF MY CLASS, I actually have an article published in the European Journal for Migration and Law where I interpreted Sweden's treaty obligations under the ICESCR. I understand this is not domestic, so I have also extensively analyzed US treaty obligations as part of my LLM, thesis and research assistant position.
I am intimately acquainted with the Refugee Convention. Just ask my Swedish ex-boyfriend and he will tell you I spent *far* more time with treaties in the haunted RWI library than with him!
USCIS: We're looking for someone with a year of post JD experience who has worked with VAWA, T U, CAT, asylum and refugee law.
Me: I am knowledgeable of VAWA, U, SIJ and withholding of removal cases from my two years as an immigration attorney. My experience with CAT and Asylum law is reflected in my EOIR judicial externship where I researched extremely complex asylum and removal cases. During my time there, I drafted several opinions. When I left, the judges gave me a plaque to thank me for my service. True story.
USCIS: We're looking for a research and writing genius.
Me: At Catholic Charities, I was routinely introduced as the attorney who researched the "tricky" and complex cases. For example, when a client was worried about whether her bi-racial child might be attacked if she returned to x country, I found a Ref World article from a Canadian Court that supports that contention. We added it to the 200 other articles and decisions I found that supported her claim. I am like the (November 2012 version) Manny Pacquiao of legal research and writing.
USCIS: How nice....you have all of this interesting and...relevant experience. What we're going to do is say you were referred to the selecting officer and then make you wait approximately five months before we tell you someone else was chosen.
Me: Don't I even get an interview? I've gotten dozens of VAWA and U approvals! I once got a T appeal back in two weeks! Are there really so many immigration attorneys out there with an LLM in human rights and an article analyzing treaty obligations published in an international journal dedicated to migration?! But...but... I work well with others and would never come to work in a pair of elastic waist pants!
USCIS: Thanks for playing who wants to be a federal employee!
Me: I wonder if Giant* has Manischewitz on sale... I have been meaning to try Cherry....
*Stop and Shop for those of you in NE
Of course, it does not help that before I received their "disposition" as they call it, I sat down to have some tasty latkes, applesauce and sour cream only to find MOLD in my Giant brand applesauce!!! I was reduced to eating latkes with just sour cream. The injustice of it....
Thankfully, today was not without its positives:
- I had a physical with no co-pay during which my doctor (and his student minion) extolled the benefits of socialized medicine. Afterward I went to the pharmacy to pick up my slut pills (Limbaugh branding) and didn't pay a cent. Go Obamacare!!!
- Oh, and I have a second interview on Wednesday for the job I mentioned last week. I tell you, its all about the thank you note sent via snail mail....
No comments:
Post a Comment