Happy 2013!

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Sorry for the delay in posts!  I've been unusually busy ironing out running groups, volunteering, visiting family and, well, Netflix.

2012 comes to a close today and that seriously slipped my mind because unemployment for me means that all of the days kind of run together. Since the last six months of 2012 has been mediocre at best, good riddance! 

  

Don’t get me wrong, there were some fabulous bright spots like:

• Running the Peachtree Roadrace and visiting some of my favorite law school friends in Atlanta
•  Moving to a city I love and now living in a great place with a cool roomie in an awesome neighborhood
• Running the Hana Relay in Maui with some (but not all) of my favorite Wellesley friends
• Visiting friends in NY (city and Long Island)
• Friends’ weddings, engagements, positive bar results, pregnancies and new babies 
• Thrifty fashion accomplishments: D&G gold lace dress ($90), Theory silk tank ($2), DVF tank top ($8) that I purchased at Clothes Encounters of a Second Kind. 
• Successfully poached eggs and made hollandaise for the first time ever for Latkes Benedict (infra)!   
• Received two Au Bon Pain coupons after (for a free sandwich/salad AND soda) complaining to them about messing up a sandwich order when I traveled to the Sixth Ring of Hell (ie Port Authority) for Thanksgiving

For the most part though, I’ve spent the past six months wondering what happens when my savings finally run out and I have no employment (next month!), where I can get some awesome lengua tacos in DC and why I bothered to go to law school anyway (because I’ve always wanted to be a public interest attorney but maybe I should have just gotten that Masters in English/MFA like Professor Emeritus Finkelpearl suggested.  He made this comment after telling me I was “very bright” but not working to my potential regarding a particular analysis in 17^th Century Literature.  I admit to being somewhat lazy for that paper.  Ever read one of John Donne’s elegies? No? Don’t).

Anyway, now is the time to make resolutions and I shall share them with you, my nearest and dearest.

  

   1. Run more.  I’ve been averaging about four days a week and would like to bump that up to five.  It has gotten a little more challenging because it is getting colder but, thankfully, my dad bought me another pair of cold weather tights for Christmas: Saucony’sWomen's Omni LX Tight II.  I’ve run in them twice and they held up to CT cold so DC should be no sweat.  They are warm, comfortable and actually long enough, which is sweet. I now have TWO pairs of running tights. Yes. Two! I feel like a Rockerfeller.  Sadly, I only FEEL like the offspring of a millionaire oil tycoon.  I would like to resolve to run a race a month, but that cost money.  Has no one ever heard of a free fun run in the DC metro area?!

2. Eat Better. Now, some people are stress eaters, I am not.  My appetite dips lower than Freak Nasty when I am stressed, depressed or anxious.  Being unemployed with no end in sight provides the perfect platform for a constant, low-level buzz of depression, stress and anxiety that messes with my appetite.  Consequently, my eating habits are all messed up and my meals are poorly balanced.  I made Latkes Benedict the day before a cholesterol test for Pete’s sake! (It was delicious and my cholesterol is "excellent" according to my doctor).  

 

      So, I resolve to eat better, more frequent, more balanced meals.

If your News Years resolution is to lose weight, I can tell you from personal experience that being unemployed, moving to a walkable city and running in order to stave off a mental breakdown have all worked really well for me!  I wouldn’t recommend it, but I do fit into my Lund era jeans again!

3. Stay in Touch.  I make this resolution every year.  I think I can count this blog in my efforts. 

S    4. Slow my roll.  So the top definition of Slow Your Roll in Urban Dictionary says: 

Term used to inform a homie that he's getting outta control and he might want to shut the hell up before he gets beat the hell up.

"Yo dawg, you better slow your roll fool."

That’s not exacttttttly what I mean.  As homies go, I don’t run my mouth that much.  No one has every threatened to beat me “the hell up.”  I guess that’s a good thing… I much prefer part one of the second most popular definition:

1. Slow Down. Be Calm.
2. Slow down your game. Stop coming on so strong to a female.

             

1. "Slow your roll homie, I'm tryin' to relax up in this mutha."

 2. "You'd better slow your roll junior player, you'll just get shutdown down out going like that." 

I need to calm down, relax, embrace que sera sera.  I don’t want to be the homie preventing    

people from relaxing in this mutha! 

On a side note, I loathe the use of “female.” No one ever uses “male.”  I certainly don’t tell my friends, “So this male walked up to me and stroked my face from temple to chin” (True story, happened in Havana and I was so flustered I conjugated “tocar” wrong when I yelled  

at him not to touch me.  Commands are tricky!).

  

        5. Buy Less Clothing.  This is not a problem now since I am broke, but I am going to try to buy fewer new clothes and more second hand clothing.  I've always been a thrift and consignment store shopper and I prefer natural fibers so I've never been a Forever 21 person, but this book Overdressed: the Shockingly High Cost of Cheap Fashion, has definitely made me more conscientious about my shopping habits.  I highly recommend the book, by the way.

I hope everyone has a fabulous New Year celebration and here’s to 2013 being better than 2012!

Grrrrrrr Arrrrrrrgh

Lemme tell you about applying for federal jobs....  I think few job application processes are so utterly soul sucking in nature. Basically you spend lots of timing scrolling through USAJobs painstakingly matching your qualifications with the job listings.  Then you tailor your resume, cover letter and writing sample to the job because man, you are PERFECT for this job. 

Take this position I applied for in August: 

Job Title:Experienced Attorney

Department:Department Of Homeland Security
Agency:Citizenship and Immigration Services

SALARY RANGE:	$89,033.00 to $155,500.00 / Per Year
OPEN PERIOD:	Friday, July 27, 2012 to Friday, August 17, 2012
SERIES & GRADE:	GS-0905-13/15
POSITION INFORMATION:	Full Time - Excepted Service Permanent
PROMOTION POTENTIAL: 15
DUTY LOCATIONS:	2 vacancies in the following location: Washington DC Metro Area, DC United States
WHO MAY APPLY:	United States Citizens

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DUTIES:

The attorney selected will serve as an advisor to the Division Chief, the Chief Counsel, and to USCIS and other Departmental components on issues relating to U.S. immigration laws and international treaty obligations.  This attorney would be responsible for providing legal advice on a number of protection issues, including but not limited to asylum, overseas refugee resettlement programs, temporary protected status, parole, VAWA, T and U visas, adoptions, special immigrant juveniles and the Convention Against Torture.A background in public international refugee and asylum law, and an understanding of U.S. immigration law and practice, are helpful. Strong legal research and writing skills, and the ability to complete assignments with short deadlines, are essential.

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QUALIFICATIONS REQUIRED:

Applicants must possess a J.D. degree from an ABA-accredited law school, be an active member of the bar (any jurisdiction), and have at least one year of post-J.D. experience.

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You know what it sounds like they want?

Me. 

USCIS: We are looking for someone with experience analyzing and interpreting international human rights law, especially treaty obligations. 
Me: Oh, great!  In addition to earning an LLM IN HUMAN RIGHTS LAW from ONE OF THE BEST PROGRAMS IN THE WORLD where I graduated AT THE TOP OF MY CLASS, I actually have an article published in the European Journal for Migration and Law where I interpreted Sweden's treaty obligations under the ICESCR.  I understand this is not domestic, so I have also extensively analyzed US treaty obligations as part of my LLM, thesis and research assistant position.  

I am intimately acquainted with the Refugee Convention.  Just ask my Swedish ex-boyfriend and he will tell you I spent *far* more time with treaties in the haunted RWI library than with him!

USCIS: We're looking for someone with a year of post JD experience who has worked with VAWA, T U, CAT, asylum and refugee law.
Me: I am knowledgeable of VAWA, U, SIJ and withholding of removal cases from my two years as an immigration attorney.  My experience with CAT and Asylum law is reflected in my EOIR judicial externship where I researched extremely complex asylum and removal cases.  During my time there, I drafted several opinions. When I left, the judges gave me a plaque to thank me for my service.  True story.

USCIS: We're looking for a research and writing genius. 
Me: At Catholic Charities, I was routinely introduced as the attorney who researched the "tricky" and complex cases.  For example, when a client was worried about whether her bi-racial child might be attacked if she returned to x country, I found a Ref World article from a Canadian Court that supports that contention.  We added it to the 200 other articles and decisions I found that supported her claim.   I am like the (November 2012 version) Manny Pacquiao of legal research and writing.

USCIS: How nice....you have all of this interesting and...relevant experience.  What we're going to do is say you were referred to the selecting officer and then make you wait approximately five months before we tell you someone else was chosen.
Me: Don't I even get an interview?  I've gotten dozens of VAWA and U approvals! I once got a T appeal back in two weeks! Are there really so many immigration attorneys out there with an LLM in human rights and an article analyzing treaty obligations published in an international journal dedicated to migration?! But...but... I work well with others and would never come to work in a pair of elastic waist pants!

USCIS: Thanks for playing who wants to be a federal employee! 
Me: I wonder if Giant*  has Manischewitz on sale... I have been meaning to try Cherry....


 *Stop and Shop for those of you in NE

Of course, it does not help that before I received their "disposition" as they call it, I sat down to have some tasty latkes, applesauce and sour cream only to find MOLD in my Giant brand applesauce!!! I was reduced to eating latkes with just sour cream.  The injustice of it....

Thankfully, today was not without its positives: 

• I had a physical with no co-pay during which my doctor (and his student minion) extolled the benefits of socialized medicine.  Afterward I went to the pharmacy to pick up my slut pills (Limbaugh branding) and didn't pay a cent. Go Obamacare!!!

• Oh, and I have a second interview on Wednesday for the job I mentioned last week.  I tell you, its all about the thank you note sent via snail mail....

Now back to Willy Nelson ("Hallelujah") and USAJobs....

Cialis for Runners

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A large part of keeping sane during this process is running.  Running and eating cheese (have you ever had Cabot’s Habanero Cheddar on whole grain Wasa?  Enough to make you momentarily forget that the highlight of your day is eating cheddar on Swedish made hippie bread because you HAVE NO JOB).

For the past two years or so I have been a lazy, foolish, injured runner.  I’ve had strains and pulls and stress fractures.  I’ve let my pace slow to something between adorable sloth and venomous slow loris (I googled this so you didn't have to. You're welcome).  With so much time on my hands, I’ve decided to rectify that situation.

David Haring / Duke Lemur Center

My next race is a half marathon in Goteborg, Sweden in May and its imperative that I beat my friends, who happen to be Swedish man twins.  Despite the fact that I am older and of the female persuasion, I think I have a decent chance of reducing them to quivering masses of smorgas, meatballs, brown Norwegian cheese, beer and horsemeat (this is the staple of any nice Swedish boy's diet).  

In order to overcome their fancy socialized medicine, fantastic diet and clear physiological advantages, I will have to train properly.  So, I’ve spent the past two weeks checking out (free!) running groups in the DC area as a means of kick starting my motivation.  I joined DC Capital Striders on Meetup and tried their Thursday group (it was super nice). My Thursdays are now tied up so I am looking into trying them out another day.   

As of now, I have two regular groups now that are both run out of stores: Lululemon and Fleet Feet.

Lululemon, Monday Nights.  This is where I admit that I do not own a single piece of Lululemon gear. I’ve been in the store, I have friends who swear by their clothes.  I am sure they make great stuff and it looks really nice.  However, I probably won’t buy it in the future unless I make a friend with an employee discount because:

1)    Even employed, I’m too cheap to spend $90 on a pair of yoga pants. That might be because although I did practice yoga in Portland, it was to address my terrible inflexibility and to stave off running injuries.  If I were serious about yoga I might invest the money (like I do with running shoes.  They are the only thing for which I will pay full price with no quibbling or inner debate).

2)    I distrust non-running companies that make running clothes.  I am sure this is some type of elitist snobbery.  Then again, maybe marketers are doing their jobs and I have awesome brand loyalty.  In any case, Nike, New Balance, Brooks, Asics, etc generally make my socks, shoes, shorts and jackets.   I admit to having a lot of Nike gear because of Green Mountain Running Camp and all of those trips to the Employee Store (50% off!) when I lived in Portland.  However, I think a lot of it stems from experience.  I have Nike and Adidas shorts from high school that have held up 15 years later. I’d also rather shell out $90 on a pair of Sporthill tights recommended to me by a running friend than $110 on a pair by Lululemon.  I’m paying $20 for the branding and if I had $20 to throw away, I would throw it away on FOOD (at Whole Foods on cheese ends, those bright green olives in the olive bar and at least half a dozen cookies in the cookie bar...).

3)    Lululemon is pretty body conscious clothing and please believe me when I say I could give three effs about what my body looks like when I am running.* I just want to be comfortable and noticeable so cars do not hit me and deer do not collide with me. I am not a cute runner anyway. I sweat, drip, spit, breath loudly etc.  I laugh at "Wait Wait Don’t Tell Me" and frequently go "NO WAY" during "Savage LoveCast"... both make me look certifiable.  I don’t fault people who want to look nice, sane and color coordinated, I’m just not one of them. 

So, Lululemon’s running club was good enough for government work (sorry Fed/State friends...its just an expression!), which is to say:

1.     Stereotypical.  Dudes who have to be in front? Check. Woman with a face full of makeup, a tank top and shorts in 40 degree weather? Check.  Cliques on a high school level? Check. Thankfully for me, I view this Lululemon group running thing like a reality star villain:  I am not here to make friends ok? This is a competition! I’m just using you to get fast.  No, I don’t want to have a beer after the run.  I am poor and sweaty and getting cold! Who stole my Wasa bread?!

2.     Motivating.  My first run, I wound up behind one of the aforementioned dudes after a while and it was exhilarating to draft off of him until the end of the run.  For some reason, I run a LOT faster when I am with a group of people.  At LL, I am probably that obnoxious chick pushing the pace but that’s just because running with a group perks up my flaccid competitive impulses.  LL is my running Cialis.

3.     Convenient.  It meets Mondays at 6:30 and is a mere 1.3 miles from my apartment so I run there.  We stash our coats in one of the dressing rooms so it should still be convenient when I get a job.

Fleet Feet, Wednesday Nights.   As much as I am disinclined to buy LL gear, I am inclined to buy running shoes from running stores.  I like it when I can take shoes for a spin outside.  I like it when a clerk can look at my stride and my feet and tell me which pair shows less pronation.  I also inevitably end up choosing the most expensive shoe I try on and google shopping never shows much of a discount.  I will definitely buy my next pair of shoes (bound to be $100+) at Fleet Feet when I get a j-o-b or an aspartame daddy.

Every Wednesday Night, Fleet Feet has a ladies night.  Thus, all of the runners are women.  Like Ann Romney, "I LOVE YOU WOMENNNNNNNN" so this is cool for me.  Practical benefits include giving us little pieces of paper with the route instructions, permitting us to stash our stuff in the store and making water available for free.

The employees and other runners are genuinely nice.  They acted as if they’d like to get to know me (GASP) and they remembered my name.  Its almost like being back in Portland!  I tend to relax a little more here and go with an easier pace.  There is not much more to say here because running with the Fleet Feet ladies is just one of those nice, low maintenance experiences. 

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I hope that running on the regular with groups twice a week improves my conditioning and that gradually increasing my mileage stops those overuse issues I am prone to….  Hopefully, when I get a job I can keep this up.  I admit that even after all of these years (17 and counting) it is SO much easier to commit to a run when you know other people will be there.

*I admit to being a hypocrite re: looking awesome in running clothes when it comes to these tights.  I saw them and wanted them instantly.  Of course, so did everyone else.  Bah!

Getting Awesome

Yesterday I had a job interview (the 3rd in 6 months! I am totally on a roll here) so of course I had to go through the motions:

1. Research.  I spent a few days researching not only the organization (child rights and family law), but also local/national legislation, research reports (in this case from DC Child and Family Services as well as the Children's Defense Fund) and my interviewers (where did they attend school? What did they do before they ended up in their current position? Do they like pina coladas and getting caught in the rain?).  I also look over a list of common interview questions and jot down short responses based on the job listing.  Its a lot like cramming for an exam.  In this case, since I am not especially familiar with custody/family law and the DC foster care system, there was a lot of ground to cover. 

2. Rock the suit.  I am an attorney.  I am an attorney who was raised on the East Coast by a Southern mama.  I wear suits to legal and corporate job interviews.  I also attended Wellesley.  Therefore, I pair my suit with pearls.  When I dress for an interview, I want to convey that I can look professional and that I *care* what the people I will be meeting with think of my appearance.

I actually really like suits.  They are low maintenance, warm and generally flattering.  I don't own many skirt suits (the shock!) but that is because if I want to wear them in winter, decorum and my Southern mama insist I wear pantyhose or tights.  I hate panty hose and tights with the passion of a thousand Sons (of Anarchy) so I tend to limit my skirt suits to Fall and Spring. Sometimes, when have to wear a skirt or dress in the winter, I cheat with riding boots...

For you fashion plates out there: The suit I wore was a gray pantsuit with blue and off white pin stripes (Bennetton, love the cut of their suits).  The shell was off white and V neck.  The pearls were blue. The shoes were embellished neutral flats.


3. Makeup.  I am not a makeup person generally.  If I am networking or going out with friends, I'll do some quick eye makeup and some gloss.  Interviewing, however, requires a full face of the stuff: foundation, eye primer, eye shadow, eye liner, mascara and lipstick.   Is this reflective of being raised in a patriarchal hegemony? Perhaps. For me though, its like wearing a suit: I want to look professional and I want to look like I care.  Since I am usually bare faced, putting on makeup is an extra effort for me.  Making that extra effort puts me in a different frame of mind.  Mac Studio Fix Foundation = Time to Get Serious.

4.  Getting Awesome before the interview.  This is a new part of my preparation... Stay with me here:

One of my Bennetton Wendies (ie Wellesley friends) told this hilarious story about how one of her friends was with a paramour and he wasn't up to par so she said "Get off of me!"  What he heard however was, "Get AWESOME" so he  stopped what he was doing and raised his arms in true Mr. Universe Style.  We have since gotten awesome in photographs as a tribute (ie to mock) that hilarious man.  

Little did I know, however, that getting awesome is also GREAT preparation for the real world.  There is an amazing Ted Talk that features HBS (Shout out to T!) professor, Amy Cuddy, discussing how body language can have both a psychological and physical effect on you. Cuddy and her co-authors found that assuming a high power pose before an interview can raise testosterone (thus assertiveness and power) and lower cortisol (stress). 

Before the interview, I took a few moments while I waited to Get Awesome.  My Awesome pose was more of a Wonderman: straight posture and hands on the hips.  I think my interview went well. I did feel confident and assertive. I did not feel especially stressed even when some hypotheticals were thrown my way (takin' it back to law school)

5. Sending Thank You Notes After the Interview.  I don't know if you know this about me, but I am old skool (thats right, with a "k") in some ways.  I don't wear white after Labor Day/before Memorial Day.  I have a Nokia flip phone. I Don't Smoke Buddha, Can't stand sess, Yes. I still own a pair of Versace jeans from the 90s complete with purple sequins and a high waist (purchased from an Outlet mall, of course). 

Consistent with my sporadic old skool sensibilities, I hand write thank you notes after an interview and send them in the mail (usually with a Black heritage stamp, Miles Davis in this case). Apparently this is a dying practice, which is news to me.  I suppose it is tit for tat because other dying practices in this recession include:

1) Actually acknowledging receipt of an application
2) Following up with interviewees in order to formally reject them.


Now, I get to sit back and wait.  I think this organization is professional enough to give formal rejections.  It is a weird thing to actually look forward to hearing someone say (or reading) that you will not be offered the position.  To me, that is simply an indication of respect and a display of good manners.  Sadly, those are rare things these days so I cling to actual rejections as indications that the world is not completely devoid of courtesy.